We will use this blog to update people on Susan's health.

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Closing Thoughts

I think this will be my last entry in this blog. Thanks to everyone who attended and watched the ceremony. We are so grateful for the outpouring of love from all our communities.  I want to leave you with three things: 1. First... I want to tell you about an impression that many of you can relate to: Susan was barely over 5 feet tall, but her personality was so much bigger giving the impression that she was actually a towering, physical force.  I remember seeing her interact with her co-workers in social gatherings, usually men 6'-2" and taller, and they would literally cower in her presence.  If I hadn’t seen Susan in a while or saw her in some unexpected context, her diminutive stature would take me by surprise, but it would also take my breath away: I’d think to myself, “Whoah, who is that petite, smoking hot babe coming down the escalator…” And then I’d come to my senses and realize: “Oh yeah! That’s my wife!” Here is an example of Susan dominating the media. 2. Seco...
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Confusion and Agitation

Today was the hardest day. It started early with a dose of Ativan which I think triggered confusion and agitation all day. Hospice and Dr. Rabow prescribed haldon which is supposed to address confusion, but higher and higher doses have not had an affect yet. The constant is that Susan is wanting to eat ice chips which addresses hydration, and she is able to urinate. Mina is spending the night so if I am up all night with Susan, she will be able to spell me. This is much worse than her birthday where she was knocked out all day. She is asking for nonsensical things but the ice chips seem to calm her at least temporarily. I know the Ativan was the trigger, but I won’t contemplate anymore about the contribution of her cancer progression and focus on solving the immediate issues, in this case, the confusion, agitation, and not sleeping. 
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Less Coherent

Susan's confusion and agitation continued even after I administered 2mg of haldol last night, but she did sleep continuously from 2am to 7am. In the morning, her confusion and agitation continued, so I administered some more haldol in addition to morphine as she complained about shortness of breath again. She continued to eat ice chips but has not eaten any solid food since yesterday morning. A hospice aid came to bathe her, and a nurse checked up on Susan suggesting to take her off the haldol to see if she would be less confused. I have not administered any drugs other than the blood thinner Eliquis since early morning, but even though she is no longer agitated, she is restless and is barely speaking now. She is looking afar in a daze. The only words I can coax out of her are "I love you," after I say "I love you" to her and her expression comes out of the daze momentarily. As of tonight, she is no longer wanting ice chips, but is drinking sips of water when of...
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