Less Responsive

Last night, I pulled the couch next to the hospital bed to sleep such that if she woke up, I'd know, but Susan didn't try to get up. This morning, even though she had been off of medication for almost 24 hours, she was even less responsive: when I said "I love you," she didn't say it back but just smiled; she could only drink from a syringe, and even that wasn't happening later on in the day.

In the morning, her breathing became more labored, so now that it was clear that the drugs were not the cause of her incoherence anymore, with the goal of getting her as comfortable as possible, I started administering them (as well as putting her back on oxygen), first Ativan, then morphine, then haldol. Susan's oncologist Dr. Rugo called me after I had texted her about Susan's condition, and she suggested just sticking to the Ativan, so midday, I gave Susan another 0.5mg of it, and that definitely calmed her breathing down to an "acceptable" rate.

Dylan came back from LA today, so Susan is aware that we are all here now. Late afternoon, I realized that Susan had lost body control, and changed her sheets, diaper, and PJ bottom, another sign that the end is near. She is no longer responding to conversation, but we continue to hold and massage her and talk to her. I have started going through my Google photos staring from when Dylan was 1-years-old and recalling the story behind the pictures. Dr. Rabow guesses that Susan's time on earth is more than hours, but not more than a few days. The kids understand this, and I think I do too.

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