Full Day

Today was probably too exhausting for Susan. It started out with a great relaxing Reiki session, but the amount of things we needed to do and plan (and not do) for this intervention was overwhelming. We were trying to get an ozone IV today, but for various reasons, we were not able to secure an appointment (nobody offers mobile service, so if we actually did secure one, Susan would have to travel--we will try it and reassess).

Without the ozone IV, Jonathan wanted to book another Myers' Cocktail, etc. IV, even adding an extra liter of fluid since he felt that Susan was still very dehydrated. In consultation with the hospice nurse (with input from the doctor), hospice strongly recommending waiting a day since there is the possibility of Susan's body "leaking" via various effusions, so we had to make a decision with incomplete data. In the end, we decided to postpone the IV until at least tomorrow (depending on if we can secure an ozone IV appointment).

We are definitely getting into some difficult areas. The place we are looking into securing the ozone IV appointment requires an outside doctor to write a prescription for it...yet they have doctors on staff. Something is off. Let's see what tomorrow brings.

Susan had two ozone nebulizer sessions and drank ozone water twice. She says she gets a kick from each session (IV, nebulizer, etc.), but it is temporary at this point. Unfortunately, each day, she is feeling a bit worse. If the litmus test for this intervention is her comfort, I'm not sure it is passing.

At least today she was more lucid as I think I've managed the morphine balance better, but she was saddened that she now clearly realized that we missed celebrating her birthday on Monday. It is a heartbreaking lose-lose situation--had we celebrated, she surely wouldn't have remembered given her state, but that would have been sad too. Tonight, with Dylan on FT, she blew out a candle on Wendy's cake, and we had slices of it with gelato (under Wendy's text directions, I froze the rest for Dylan's re-arrival on Sunday).

At least at the end of the day, I was able to help Susan take a much-desired shower. I carried her up the stairs again with Mina trailing and Kenny in front with the oxygen tank. Again, Susan came down the stairs with assistance stepping down each step.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm making mistakes in caregiving, making wrong decisions, etc. I'm usually very decisive, excel in crisis situations, and don't look back. This time it is very different...

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